Totes Rando

SILVER LAKE, CA—Dozens of hipsters gathered at the Silver Lake Reservoir today to protest what they call the “disturbing trend” of gentrification in the areas of Los Feliz, Silverlake and Echo Park, also known as the “emo-fecta” region of Los Angeles.

Despite the 100-degree heat, these concerned citizens marched around the Reservoir in a uniform of skin tight black jeans, checkered Vans and ironic t-shirts for a full 10 minutes.  Sporting an asymmetrical haircut, lead organizer F.X. Randall voiced his concerns over rising rents in the area.  “Before, I could survive on what I was making just jammin’ out with my music,” he said.  “But now I have to put my time in, working for ‘the man’ at Coffee Bean.  I work, like, almost twenty hours a week!  In addition to my music!  And I’m still barely able to make ends meet.”  When Diego Juarez, his landlord, was questioned about Randall’s ability to pay rent, Mr. Juarez rolled his eyes and explained that he receives a wire transfer from Randall’s father’s checking account every month.

Halston Jacobs, a 24-year-old “life/art interpreter”, described the effect of gentrification on his work.  “It used to be that I could go down to the corner and take artsy photos of the crack hustlers doing deals to email back to my friends in Greenwich to show them how ‘hardcore’ I was,” Mr. Jacobs said, as he straightened his $45 Urban Outfitters “Jesus Is My Homeboy” shirt.  “Now I’d have to move to South Central to get that kind of action, and let’s face it—I can’t do that.  I might get—“ he glanced side to side, then lowered his voice to a whisper before adding, “—shot.”

In the last few years, several A-list celebrities have settled in the region, raising more worries that this migration will change the area’s “edgy” feel.  “Celebrities should just stay over in Beverly Hills and the Hollywood Hills,” Melanie Rockefeller, who identified herself as an “aspiring performance artist”, declared.  When asked about how she felt about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt moving into Los Feliz last year, Ms. Rockefeller responded, “Well, I mean, they’re like, humanitarianists and stuff, so it’s cool.  Plus, half their kids are minorities, so at least they’re maintaining the multiculturalness of our neighborhood.”

After the demonstration ended, the protesters congregated at local hangout The Short Stop to celebrate their 10 minutes of “damning the Man” with $1 PBRs.  When asked about how he felt about the day’s protest, lead organizer Randall replied, “What were we protesting again?

Today’s post was brought to you not by Morgan, but by his girlfriend, who is heretofore referred to as “Morgan’s Mistress”.