Totes Rando

 The following is a B-Sides collection of historical quotes, compiled by the Brother of Heart.

“I wish I were born Asian.” – Malcolm X

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I think it’s safe to say that this has gone on long enough.

Hurricanes in Myanmar.

Earthquakes in China.

Christian American soldiers dying in Iraq.

And why? All because you didn’t get your dog circumcised. God kills to punish you and your dog’s nasty pink unclean dong.

Is doggie circumcision expensive? Yes. Most veterinarians won’t perform such an operation, so to have it done properly and cleanly can lead to some expense.

Is doggie circumcision painful for the dog? Yes, and permanently so. Due to the anatomy of dog-penis, the dog will break any healing that has occurred around the circumcision with each new doggie erection for the rest of its life.

Are these excuses to ignore God’s will? No.

In his wisdom, God confined an Austrian woman in her father’s fuck-dungeon to bear the fruit of his incestual loins because your dog parades about creation uncircumcised.

In his divine holiness, God gave a bunch of people outside of Pinkberry parking tickets today because your dog rolls on his back, waving his unshorn member in mockery of the heavens.

Every day you slap God in the face with your dog’s dick. How can he not punish us?

Do the right thing.

Sexual Predators are everywhere. The only way to protect yourself and those close to you is to stay informed. Now, unfortunately the news media has left stories of sexual predators largely unreported. In fact, studies with fancy charts have shown that while the number of sexual predators has increased 500ish%, coverage devoted to sexual predators is at an all time low. Is it possible that media has something to gain by ignoring this story? Is it possible that child molesters have infiltrated the media?

Probably not. Regardless, it’s clear that we can longer rely on traditional media to protect us from this silent fondler. Which is why, this week, Totes Rando will make it our mission to inform you about the dangerous Sexual Predators who may or may not be lurking around every corner.
First off–
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