http://totesrando.com finally, back in action Thu, 31 Jul 2008 00:46:47 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Last Friday I went to Floyd's Barbershop in Santa Monica and told the stylist that she could do whatever she wanted.  While the tattoo laden stylist distracted me with an interesting conversation about the health risks involved in anal sex she managed to give me a haircut that later garnered ... http://totesrando.com/2008/07/31/camp-fire-stories/ Dear Patron In The Stall Next To Me, I know you’re there. I can see your penny loafers under the stall.  It’s a shame they don’t go all the way to the floor; oh well.  So I’m here waiting, waiting for you to let loose.  Come on. You know you want ... http://totesrando.com/2008/07/25/an-open-letter-to-the-patron-in-the-stall-next-to-me/  The following is a B-Sides collection of historical quotes, compiled by the Brother of Heart. “I wish I were born Asian.” – Malcolm X http://totesrando.com/2008/07/17/totes-quotes/ In case you haven’t seen this ridiculousness already, I just wanted to share the sheer idiocy of the Human Tetris craze that is currently sweeping Japan like reefer madness.  (While you’re watching this video, just keep reminding yourself that the Japanese score fifty times better than us on educational tests, ... http://totesrando.com/2008/07/15/human-tetris/ Dear Garden Party, I heard that you guys are offering $250 for an outrageous "Hollywood" story, is that true?  If so, I've got one that's really going to top the charts... I moved to Hollywood from Ohio about three months after graduating high school.  I was the wide receiver on our High ... http://totesrando.com/2008/07/10/dear-garden-party/ The following is a paid advertisement from the Ad Council, starring Rando Rando Savage, Rando Calrissian, and a non-TR contributor. See if you can guess who is who! The original (almost as funny but unintentionally so) ad, after the jump. http://totesrando.com/2008/07/09/i-lost-meto-meth/ Hey it’s me, Dean Cain, remember me? The adventures of Lois & Clark?  From the 90s? I was Superman!  Anyways I wanna start off by saying that I’m definitely NOT jealous of Mario Lopez.  I just don’t really know where he gets off stealing my niche.  That’s right, MY niche. ... http://totesrando.com/2008/07/08/a-message-from-dean-cain/ Shit, piss, cocksucker, My mother is a mother fucker. My Mother Fucking Mother Labia, labia, get a scabia, On the planet of tit fucking mania. Penis in, and penis out Tell Ben Franklin not to tout that Gout. Asshole lickers, fruit pickers Smother my car with bumper stickers. Obama for President, Obama for Resident Like black Jesus, Obama’s Heaven-sent! Got no ... http://totesrando.com/2008/06/27/an-ode-to-the-google-gods/ SILVER LAKE, CA—Dozens of hipsters gathered at the Silver Lake Reservoir today to protest what they call the “disturbing trend” of gentrification in the areas of Los Feliz, Silverlake and Echo Park, also known as the "emo-fecta” region of Los Angeles. Despite the 100-degree heat, these concerned citizens marched around the ... http://totesrando.com/2008/06/25/breaking-hipsters-protest-gentrification-of-silver-lake/ http://totesrando.com/2008/06/24/more-scandalous-libel/